Shane’s Shenanigans

“Today’s agenda includes purchasing a new phone.”

Oleg’s threat to Lydia may have worked so far because she hasn’t called since. Gage, however, has been ringing my phone off the hook. He’s even been calling Phoenix’s phone. Why can’t they leave me alone? Welker noticed and suggested that if I answer it, he might stop calling.

“You really think that’ll work? You think he’ll listen? It’ll only be… like… the thousandth time.”

“I get it. You hate him.”

“I don’t hate him. I’m angry with him. He can’t seem to control his beast and by beast, I mean, girlfriend.”

“That bad?” he asked after he laughed.

“You have no idea.”

We were sitting at a small café that served deli sandwiches and salads. Small tables were scattered around the restaurant. Soft music played in the background. I loved it. I thought how I’ve always wanted to own a used bookstore with a small café inside it. Gage never wanted what I wanted. He always said it would never work. Figures.

“Thanks for coming with me.”

“My pleasure.”

“You don’t need to escort me inside the stores.”

“It’s not a problem. I don’t want you alone in a town you’re new in.” I gave him a blank stare.

“Are you serious? I’m a big girl. I can go alone.” He stared back, not backing down. “Okay, fine. I need to go into Victoria’s Secret.”

“I’ll wait here.”

“Pussy” I whispered, knowing he heard. Why are men so afraid of women’s lingerie store? I gave him a big knowing smile while he narrowed his eyes.

“I’ll go with you. I freaking love that store.” Welker glared at Shane.

“Took you long enough. You’re fucking slacking.”

“Had shit to care of.”

“Last night’s conquest wouldn’t leave?”

“Dude, I tell them before I take them to my apartment that they need to leave after I give them the best sex of their life.” Shane looked over at me and winked, “Except you gorgeous. You can stay with me as long as you want.”

He plopped next to me and grabbed chips from my plate. Uh, what the fuck is he doing? I removed the chips from his hand and smacked him on the back of his head.

“Ow! What the Hell woman?”

“No!”

“What the fuck?”

“Never take a southern woman’s food.”

“Would you do something about your girlfriend?” Shane looked over at Welker who just smiled in return.

“Whatever part of you reaches in my plate, you’re not getting back.”

“Now we know where Phoenix gets it from. She’s always hitting me.”

“Good.” I stood up to leave with Shane following. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going with you. You need help to pick out stuff, don’t you? You can even try them on.”

“No. You’re not.”

“Why not?” He whined.

“Are you serious?”

“What? Yes, I’m serious.” Shane leaned over me to whisper, “I know what he likes.”

“You know what who likes?” What the Hell was he talking about? I decided I didn’t want to know. “You know what, I don’t want to know.” I left the two of them in the café.

“Vanessa, wait!” I turned at Shane’s voice and looked at him with an annoyed look.

“Give me your phone.”

“What? Why?”

He didn’t answer. He grabbed my phone and began swiping the screen. I stood with my arms crossed trying to show my growing impatience. He gave me this blank look as though this was the most normal thing he’s ever done.

“Would you hurry up?”

“Don’t give me that tone, woman!” I crossed my arms, raised my eyebrows, and stared at him. “Pfft. Whatever, you love me.”

“I just met you.”

“I put our phone numbers on your phone.”

“Um… why?”

“His, because he’s your boyfri… I mean landlord and mine so you can call me anytime, baby.” I laughed and Welker just shook his head.

As I stood in Victoria Secrets, I could see my two bodyguards from where I was standing. Welker and Shane sat on a bench straight across from the store I was shopping in. What appeared to be a normal conversation was anything but.

While Welker sat quietly and did the best he could not to look in my direction… and failed. His eyes would flicker toward my way. Shane noticed and started laughing. The two began to banter back and forth. I know I just met them yesterday, but I knew I was safe with them. I didn’t fear for my safety. I just knew that they were good people and if Phoenix trusted them, then I could.

Smiling to myself, I turned to browse through the store. When I left my old life, I gave a lot of my things to goodwill, planning to start over. I pulled a pale blue bra and panty set from the rack and admired the soft lace and color.

“You should totally model it for us.”

“Jesus!” I jumped at the sound of Shane’s voice.

“No, seriously. Model it.”

“Absolutely not! What are you doing in here?”

“What? I’m allowed in here. I haven’t been banned… yet.” Shane looked around, making a show of other men loitering the store. He waved his hand towards their direction. “See? They’re in here.”

“They’re with their wives or girlfriends.”

“They don’t know who I am to you. So, are you gonna model it for me?”

“Nope.”

“Oh, come on!” Shane whined.

“No. Shouldn’t you be annoying your partner? He looks lonely out there.” I glanced in Welker’s direction. He remained on the bench staring at something on his phone.

“Probably. He’s plotting my death right now.”

“What did you do?”

“Antagonize him. He’s so much fun to annoy.”

I looked back at Welker. His eyes found mine, sending a weird feeling through me. What the fuck was that? Ignoring whatever the Hell that was, I turned to continue shopping. Shane was at my heels pointing out underwear that he wanted me to model. I slapped his hand and continued walking. He eventually followed me to the dressing room.

“What the Hell are you doing?”

“Well, you need someone to make the final decision.”

“Get out.”

“Fine.” He huffed.

I watched him walk off with a grin. I should have known he was up to something, but I was eager to get out of the store. I tried on the pale set first and I absolutely loved it. It hugged my curves perfectly, showing off my round behind. My breasts fit perfectly in the bra, revealing the perfect amount of cleavage. I stared at myself in the mirror, admiring the way my body looked in this color.

“Vanessa!” Welker voice boomed through the door, making me jump out of my skin.

“What?”

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Go away.”

“Open the door.”

“Uh, no.”

“Open the door. I need to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m kind of in the middle of something. Can’t you just take my word for it?”

“No. Now open the door.” He replied, quiet yet commanding. “Come on.” He steadily knocked on the door. I tried to ignore him. Ugh! He wouldn’t stop! He must think something is wrong if he came into the store.

“Welker, I promise I’m fine.” The knocking became louder. The door rattled. For fuck’s sake! I grabbed the doorknob and yanked it open.

“Happy?” Welker stood with his mouth open staring at me. His eyes followed the length of my body. Shane popped his head from behind Welker, smiling.

“Dude.” Shane mumbled as he nudged Welker’s shoulder.

“You’re both dead.” I slammed the door shut. I heard Welker say, “I thought you said she needed me?” Shane replied, “You two need each other.”

I quickly dressed and stormed out of the dressing room with my choices. I couldn’t be mad that he came to my rescue, but I would not tell them that. I planned to make them believe I was angry at them.

“Vanessa, I’m sorry. Shane said you needed me.”

“And, you believed him?”

“I believed him.” I gave him a blank stare.

“Seriously?”

“I did.” He stood awkwardly behind me. Shane was nowhere in sight.

“I’m gonna kill him.” I mumbled. The cashier smiled. Apparently she witnessed the entire show.

“Is he your husband?” She nodded to Welker.

“Oh no. I just met them yesterday.”

Her shocked look made me laugh. I thanked her and grabbed the bag from the counter and walked out, leaving Welker behind. He quickly caught up.

“I’m done here.” I stormed ahead of him.

“Vanessa, I’m sorry.”

“I need to make groceries. Where’s the supermarket” I wanted to dismiss him quickly. I no longer wanted to continue this conversation.

“You need to do what?”

 “Make groceries.”

“What is ‘make groceries’?”

He looked at me with utter confusion. I forgot I was no longer in the south. Northerners didn’t understand our Cajun slang. This should be fun.

“I need to buy groceries, you know, food.”

“Oh.” I smiled at the look on his face. He’s so adorable. It wasn’t his fault. “Okay, let’s go make groceries.” I laughed at his attempt to speak Cajun. It sucked, but at least he tried.

“That was terrible but nice try. Where is he?”

“For his own safety, he left, but he’ll be back.”

“If he values his life, he better not come back.”

He drove me to the supermarket named Mid Market. Once he pulled into a parking spot, I unbuckled my seat belt and grabbed my purse. I noticed he did the same.

“Why are you getting down?”

“What?”

“I asked, why are you getting down?”

“I, uh, don’t know what that is.”

“Oh, right? I’ll rephrase. Why are you getting out of the car?”

He gave me this blank stare as though he was trying to figure out what I was saying. I laughed and went into the store. He quickly caught up to me and followed me around the store.

As we made our way back, I told him, “I’m making supper for you. As a thank you for today, please come eat.”

“Really? Even after-“

“That wasn’t your fault, but I will kill your partner when I see him.”

“Good. Please take me out of my misery.”